Bottom Shelf Mixology S2 Ep. 18: Cheap Thrills

Welcome to the Bottom Shelf Mixology™ video series!  Our staff of Mixologists have decided it would be a good idea to actually test our special "bottom shelf" recipes.  What have we done?

Hey, this is almost something Halloween related!  It's definitely frightening!  Join me, Unpaid Intern Eric, and Jacob the Zombie Fighter as we drink Cheap Thrills!

Bottom Shelf Mixology S2 Episode 17: Millennial Martini

Welcome to the Bottom Shelf Mixology™ video series!  Our staff of Mixologists have decided it would be a good idea to actually test our special "bottom shelf" recipes.  What have we done?

This one is all Andrew Leamon's fault!  He was telling me about LaCroix and it being taxed in Chicago, and how everyone was flipping out over it.  Because of this we decided to make it a drink!  I had never had LaCroix before, and I wish that was still the case. 

It's not good.

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Pop Rockstar

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  Our staff of Mixologists have racked their brains (and livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

Pop Rockstar

• 8 oz Rockstar Pure Zero Energy Drink
• 2 oz Popov Vodka
• 1 packet Green Apple Popping Candy

Pour the vodka into your glass.  Slowly pour in the energy drink.

Right before you drink it, pour in the popping candy.

Chug, pop that collar, put on your ladder shades, blow out your hair, and go party with the dudebros!

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Dead Last

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  Our staff of Mixologists have racked their brains (and livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

The Kentucky Derby is right around the corner, and to celebrate, we thought we would give you the BS version of the official drink of Kentucky: the Mint Julep.

Dead Last

• 3 oz Heaven Hill Kentucky Bourbon Whiskey
• 2 Spearmint Altoids, crushed
• Ice
• 3 Sweet'N Low packets
• 1 Piece Trident Spearmint Gum

Start by putting the Sweet'N Low and crushed Altoids in the glass.  Fill the glass with ice, then add the bourbon.  Stir.

Garnish the glass with the stick of gum.

Enjoy this version of the official drink of horse racing while you lose all of your money by betting on the long shot.

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Irish Potato "Soup"

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  Our staff of Mixologists have racked their brains (and livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

It's almost St. Patrick's Day, and here is the perfect new drink recipe to help celebrate getting drunk.

Irish Potato "Soup"

• 4 oz. Jameson Irish Whiskey
• 1 tsp. Instant Mashed Potato Flakes
• 1 pinch Bac~Os

First, put the potato flakes in your glass.  Add the whiskey and stir.  You can now add more flakes to reach the desired consistency.

Add the Bac~Os to finish the drink with the perfect amount of crunch.

Optional: Add some green food coloring for that real Irish feel.

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Three Mile Island Iced Tea

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  Our staff of Mixologists have racked their brains (and livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

Three Mile Island Iced Tea

• 1 oz. Crystal Palace Vodka
• 1 oz. Brigadier Gin
• 1 oz. DeKuyper Triple Sec
• 1 oz. Barton Light Rum
• 1 oz. El Matador Tequila
• 2 oz. Store Brand Cola
• 2 Tbsp.  Lemonade Drink Mix

Mix the vodka, gin, rum, cola, tequila, and triple sec together.  Stir in the two tablespoons of lemonade mix.  Serve in highball glasses.

Drink, and try to prepare for the meltdown in your colon. 

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Hipster Mimosa

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

Happy New Year!  This new year brings with it some new Bottom Shelf Mixology recipes, and we are going to start things off with the perfect drink for you bottom shelfers.

The Hipster Mimosa

• 1 32 oz. Hi-C Orange drink from McDonald's
• 1 can Pabst Blue Ribbon

Next time you are out, stop at McDonald's and buy a 32 oz. size Hi-C orange drink.  Go home and stick it in your refrigerator.  This is about all of the preparation you need to do for this drink.

For this drink, you will only need half of the orange drink to make this drink, but it is still recommended that you purchase the 32 oz. size so you get the plastic cup.  This will hold up better for a longer period of time as opposed to the other McDonald's cups.

Grab a large mug, and fill half way with the Hi-C. Fill the rest of the way with the PBR.  If you have enough PBR left in the can, you can have another!

This drink is the best way to wake up and show the world that you quit before the day even begins!

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Dingy Cosmopolitan

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  
 

Dingy Cosmopolitan

• 4 oz. Crystal Palace Vodka
• 1 can of Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash
• 1 piece orange jelly candy

A few hours before you have this drink, you need to open the can of Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash and let it sit on the counter.  You want it to be nice and flat.

After the drink is no longer carbonated, you are ready to mix your drink.  Grab the rest of your gallon of Crystal Palace, and get yourself four ounces.  Pour that into your glass.  Dump in the can of flat Sierra Mist.  Garnish the glass with the orange jelly candy.

This drink is best enjoyed during ABC's Thursday Night lineup.

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Chunky Piña Colada

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

Chunky Piña Colada

• 2 oz. Barton Light Rum
• 1 - 8 oz. can of crushed pineapple in syrup (heavy or light)
• 2 oz. coconut milk
• 1/2 cup ice

It's time to enjoy that most wondrous of all tropical drinks: the piña colada!

The rum, coconut milk, ice, and the syrup from the can of pineapple all go into a blender.  Mix well.

Pour the pineapple chunks into your glass.  Then, pour the contents of the blender over the chunks.  Stir well.

We suggest eating this one with a spoon.

Bottom Shelf Mixology: White Trash Screwdriver

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

White Trash Screwdriver

• 1 gallon SunnyD
• 10 oz. Popov Vodka

Pour some of the SunnyD into a pitcher or bowl.  Dump about ten ounces of Popov in.  Honestly though, it doesn't matter how much you pour in.  Look at it like you are seasoning some food to taste.  Pour as much in as you can stand.  The stronger it is, the less time spent on worrying about how bad it tastes!

This one is great for those long nights spent by yourself, playing an online game.  Extra points if it's your birthday!

Bottom Shelf Mixology: The Boiling Hipster

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

The Boiling Hipster (Boilermaker)

• 2 oz. Fleischmann's Whiskey
• 1 can Pabst Blue Ribbon

On your next trip to the store, make sure to pick up a bottle of Fleischmann's.  When you get home, pour approximately two ounces into one of your mustachioed shot glasses.  Then pull a can of PBR out of your fridge, and pour the entire thing into a chilled mug or tall glass.

Now, all you have to do is drop the shot glass of whiskey into the beer, and chug ironically.  Try not to spill any on your goatee or tweed jacket.

The Bottom Shelf: Heaven Hill

The holiday season has come and gone, but The Bottom Shelf is forever!

Sorry about such a long wait between reviews, but Bottom Shelf Russ was doing some heavy research (ahem).

Heaven Hill is a cheap whiskey that, I am sure, got a lot of people thru their December activities and endless boring get-togethers with family.  However, for me it was just another piss poor excuse for booze.

The Bottom Shelf: Beam's Eight Star Whiskey

Welcome back to the Bottom Shelf with Russ!  Today, we are looking as Beam's Eight Star.

Halloween movies, tricks and treats, and cheap bottom shelf whiskey, it doesn't get any better.  The whiskey this time is Beam's Eight Star whiskey and it fits perfectly with all horror flicks. It works especially with older monster flicks. You know, the ones where the car won't start and the creepy guy is coming, even though the car is brand new and has never failed to start before.  They always forget to finish him off when they have their chance, too.

The Bottom Shelf: Windsor Canadian Whiskey

Welcome back to The Bottom Shelf!  This time, we have another Canadian whiskey: Windsor Canadian.

Ever notice how the word Canadian or Canada always pops up on the label of all Canadian whiskeys? Not a criticism, just an observation. Canadians are proud of their booze and they should be. After all, during the prohibition era in the states, Canada was a huge supplier of illegal hootch to the dry USA.

The Bottom Shelf: Ten High

Hello! We have a little something different today from Bottom Shelf Russ. Some everyday observations while sampling Ten High whiskey.

The first part of today's post is a little bit on the serious side.  Just so you know.

The Bottom Shelf: Kessler Whiskey

Welcome back to The Bottom Shelf with Russ!  Thanks for being patient for a new bottom shelf review, I needed a vacation.

Anyone that ever had whiskey has probably had Kessler Whiskey and didn't even know it.  From under the bar at every tavern to most punchbowls at high school dances, Kessler is everywhere.

The Bottom Shelf: G&W Five Star Whiskey

Welcome back to our regular readers (all four of you), and welcome to our first time visitors to The Bottom Shelf with Russ!

Reviewing bottom shelf whiskey is not that difficult of a task but there are some problems I did not anticipate. I am finding that most of the whiskeys are about the same, and find new vocabulary to keep it fresh and not redundant while describing them is a challenge.  It is amazing that what is produced in a Canadian still behind an outhouse and the results from an American bathtub still have Twilight Zone-esque eerie similarities.  Is there a common denominator? What would it be?

Let's put that behind us for now, and explore G&W Five Star Whiskey.

The Bottom Shelf: Canadian LTD Whiskey

Welcome to The Bottom Shelf with Russ! I am back from camping in upstate Michigan, where we saw some great weather, beautiful countryside, and friendly residents.  This review of Canadian LTD Blended Canadian Whiskey however, is from late winter in Michigan, when even the winter loving people start thinking about spring.

The Bottom Shelf: R&R Canadian Whiskey

Bottom shelf whiskey, we love the price, and hate the taste!

My quest, my challenge, is to explore the bottom shelf to see if there are any whiskeys with redeemable value. R&R Canadian Whiskey is such a rare and rich discovery.  Nothing suits me better than lampooning poor whiskey, but I find myself unable to do that with R&R.  I used a mix of diet cola and R&R whiskey at a one to one ratio and I settled back to watch the Detroit Lions at my brother-in-law's man cave/garage on a beautiful Sunday afternoon.

The Bottom Shelf: THE Northern Lights

Welcome back to The Bottom Shelf With Russ.  This week, I will be examining another bottom shelf whiskey: THE Northern Lights.

I was anticipating disappointment and got it right away, because The Northern Lights comes in a plastic bottle. However, the price was right, at about the same as Fleischmann's(my previous review).