Bottom Shelf Mixology: Moon In Retrograde

Welcome to The Bottom Shelf™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

Moon In Retrograde (Blue Moon)

• 1 1/4 oz Five O'Clock Gin
• 1/2 oz Blue Curacao 
• 1 1/2 oz Blue Moon ice cream (melted)
• 3 oz syrup from store brand canned pineapple 
• Ice

Stir your pineapple syrup and melted ice cream together in your glass.  Add the gin and curacao to your shaker with some ice and gently shake for seven seconds.

Strain from the shaker into the glass and stir together until well mixed.

You should probably drink these less than once in a blue moon.

Bottom Shelf Mixology: The Apple Mountain

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

The Apple Mountain(Mountain Cider High)

• 1 oz Fleischmann's Vodka
• 1 oz Store Brand Citrus-Flavored Soda
• 1 oz Great Value Sugar-Free Apple Flavored Drink (prepared)
• Ice

Start by putting ice in your shaker.  Add the vodka and apple drink.  Shake exactly six times.

Strain into your glass, and stir in the citrus soda.

Drink until you feel like you're on top of a mountain. 

Be careful though, the hangover the next morning will make it feel like you are under that same mountain.

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Cooler's Revenge

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

Cooler's Revenge (Amaretto Cooler)

• 2 oz Amaretto
• 3 oz Diet Cranberry Juice Cocktail
• 2 oz Tangy Citrus Punch
• 1 Lime Popsicle (melted)

Get a tall glass, set it down, and talk to someone for 20 minutes.  Pour in the amaretto, and talk some more.  Follow this pattern with the rest of the ingredients, then stir them together for a few seconds.  This whole drink that would normally take 2 minutes to prepare should end up taking you an hour and twenty minutes.

Put on your Goku pants, and drink.

Repeat for as long as you can stand.

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Wasp Nest

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

Wasp Nest (Stinger)

• 1 oz Fleischmann's Whiskey
• 1 oz 99 Peppermint
• Red Pepper Flakes (optional)

The Wasp Nest is a rather straightforward recipe.  All you need to do is put the whiskey and peppermint schnapps(is the 99 brand schnapps?  I guess I don't really know what to call it, so we'll stick with that) in your glass and mix it up.

If you want the full force of drinking an actual wasp nest, add the optional red pepper flakes. 

On a somewhat related note, when I was in Kindergarten, I got stung on my tongue by a wasp after inadvertently eating it.

That's all you get of that story for now.  You'll have to check out the video for this recipe when it hits YouTube to get the rest of the story.

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Danger Death Ray

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

We are getting ready for an upcoming filming of some new Bottom Shelf episodes, so I am taking this break from RiffTrax to give you our first new recipe!

Danger Death Ray (Party Cannon)

• 2 oz Crystal Palace Vodka
• 1 oz Midori
• 1 oz 99 Bananas
• 1 Lime Popsicle (melted)
• 1/2 can Store Brand Zero Calorie Energy Drink
• 1/4 tsp Blue Curaçao
• Ice

Put your ice in the shaker, and add the vodka, Midori, 99 Bananas, and the melted popsicle.  Shake well.  Add in the energy drink and the curaçao, and gently stir.

Drink one, maybe two to get the party started and your heart rate racing.  Any more than that, and you might just feel like you were blasted by an actual death ray.  Especially the next morning.

Bottom Shelf Videos: Hot Dad On Your Lips

We finally made and taste tested our drink based on Hot Dad!

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Love Dump

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

Love Dump

• 1 oz Fleischmann's Vodka
• 1 oz DeKuyper Hazelnut Schnapps
• 1/8 tsp Imitation Vanilla
• 1 Fit & Active Lemonade Drink Mix Stick

Put a few cubes of ice in your shakes, and pour in the vodka and hazelnut schnapps.  Shake slowly for 13 seconds.

Open the shaker and add in the imitation vanilla.  Without shaking the mixture further, strain it out into your cup.

Shoot it back, and then eat some of the lemonade mix straight out of the tube like Pixy Stix.

The original drink is supposed to taste like chocolate cake.  This version will most likely not.  It will probably taste more like what the song Love Dump (Static-X) is about.

Bit of trivia for you:  WCW Tag Team Kronik used a version of Love Dump for their intro music.

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Let There Be Lite (Video)

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Whistle Tip

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

Whistle Tip (a.k.a. Woo Woo)

• 1 oz Burnett Cranberry Vodka
• 1 oz DeKuyper Peach Schnapps
• 1 oz Cranberry Juice Cocktail
• Ice

Put the ice, vodka, schnapps, and juice into your shaker.

Shake for twenty-two seconds.

Pour into your glass.

Start the video below, and take a drink every time Bubb Rubb says "woo woo!"


You might need to prepare extra.

Bottom Shelf Mixology: The Bane

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

The Bane (Paralyzer)

• 1 oz Crown Russe Vodka
• 1 oz Rio Grande Tequila
• 1/2 oz Sabroso Coffee Liqueur
• 2 oz Store Brand Diet Cola
• 4 Coffee Creamers
• Ice

Start with ice in your shaker.  Pour in the vodka, tequila, and coffee liqueur.  Shake.

Add in the cola, and pour into a tall glass.  Add in the creamer, and stir.

Drink these until you can't walk, or you feel the sudden urge to break some bats.

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Malortini

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

Malortini (a.k.a. Dumpster Juice)

• 2 oz Five O'Clock Gin
• .5 oz Malort
• .5 oz Olive Juice
• 1 Olive
• 1 can Store Brand Spray American Cheese
• Ice

First, you want to take the pimento out of your olive, and then insert the nozzle of the spray cheese can, and slowly fill it.  If you do it too quickly, you will end up with an olive flying across the room.  Put the cheese product filled olive in your glass.

With some ice in your shaker, add in the gin, Malort, and olive juice.  Shake vigorously for fifteen seconds.

Strain it into your glass, try out your best (or worse) Sean Connery impersonation, and then slam it down.

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Vom Collins

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

Vom Collins

• 2 oz Fleischmann's Gin
• 3 Tbsp Powdered Lemonade Drink Mix
• 1 tsp Light Corn Syrup
• Seltzer Water
• Lemon Hard Candy Stick
• 1 Queen Anne Chocolate Cordial Cherry (just the cherry from the inside)
• Ice

Start by putting the gin, powdered lemonade drink mix, and corn syrup in your shaker with some ice, and shake until the ingredients are well mixed.

Strain it into a tall glass, and top it off with the seltzer water.  Garnish with the candy stick and the cherry from the chocolate covered cherry.

Drink while listening to your favorite Phil Collins song, and eventually you will be able to feel it coming in the air.

Oh Lord.

Bottom Shelf Mixology: After Dinner Mint

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

After Dinner Mint

• 1 pkg Hot Cocoa Mix (from that gift box that your aunt gave you for Christmas)
• 6 oz Tap Water (lukewarm)
• 1 1/2 oz Arrow Spearmint Schnapps
• 1 oz Fleischmann's Whiskey
• 1 sick Freedent Gum

First, you are going to need to empty the hot cocoa packet into a large mug.  Then, measure out lukewarm tap water.  Just turn on the faucet, and as soon as the water starts feeling warm, measure out your six ounces.  Don't let it run and get hot either.  Add to the mug, and stir.

Next, add in your spearmint schnapps and whiskey, and stir a bit more.

Finally, garnish with a stick of Freedent gum.  This can be any of the three flavors, but spearmint is recommended.

This drink is the best way to wash the taste of any meal—delicious or disgusting—out of your mouth!

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Let There Be Light

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

'Tis the season... for new Bottom Shelf Mixology recipes!  We've done some exclusive recipes for our YouTube series, but we've been hard at work to come up with even more of the terrible drinks you all love to hate!

Let There Be Light

• 1 8 oz can Coors Light
• 1 8 oz can Miller Lite
• 1 8 oz can Bud Light Lime-A-Rita
• 8oz THE Northern Lights Whiskey

Getting ready for your Holiday party or decorating your house with festive lights has never been easier!

Get out your pitcher or punch bowl, and add in all four of the ingredients.  Bonus points if you pour all four in at the same time!

Then drink until you see stars!

Bottom Shelf 100th Episode Gag Reel

Welcome to the Bottom Shelf ™ video series!  Our Bottom Shelf Crew is dumb enough to try out these drinks, treats, and recipes just so you don't have to!  What have we done?

The Bottom Shelf series has hit 100 episodes!

To celebrate, we made a Gag Reel.  As in, gagging, not like gag as in bloopers.

Bottom Shelf Mixology S2 Ep. 18: Cheap Thrills

Welcome to the Bottom Shelf Mixology™ video series!  Our staff of Mixologists have decided it would be a good idea to actually test our special "bottom shelf" recipes.  What have we done?

Hey, this is almost something Halloween related!  It's definitely frightening!  Join me, Unpaid Intern Eric, and Jacob the Zombie Fighter as we drink Cheap Thrills!

Five Years of Peanut Butter & Awesome!

Has it really been five years already?  Amazing!  I want to start off right away by thanking all of you for your continued support.  Without our readers (and viewers), we wouldn't have a reason to do any of this.

I mean, we still would.  I don't think we've ever once let reason stand in the way of anything we've done, so why start now?

I reached out to have people tell me the stuff they've liked over the years, and I would like to share with you some of the responses I got.

Bottom Shelf Mixology S2 Episode 17: Millennial Martini

Welcome to the Bottom Shelf Mixology™ video series!  Our staff of Mixologists have decided it would be a good idea to actually test our special "bottom shelf" recipes.  What have we done?

This one is all Andrew Leamon's fault!  He was telling me about LaCroix and it being taxed in Chicago, and how everyone was flipping out over it.  Because of this we decided to make it a drink!  I had never had LaCroix before, and I wish that was still the case. 

It's not good.

Bottom Shelf Mixology S2 Episode 16: Brown Cow

Welcome to the Bottom Shelf Mixology™ video series!  Our staff of Mixologists have decided it would be a good idea to actually test our special "bottom shelf" recipes.  What have we done?

Bottom Shelf Mixology S2 Episode 15: Dark and Stormy

Welcome to the Bottom Shelf Mixology™ video series!  Our staff of Mixologists have decided it would be a good idea to actually test our special "bottom shelf" recipes.  What have we done?