Bottom Shelf Mixology: Danger Death Ray

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

We are getting ready for an upcoming filming of some new Bottom Shelf episodes, so I am taking this break from RiffTrax to give you our first new recipe!

Danger Death Ray (Party Cannon)

• 2 oz Crystal Palace Vodka
• 1 oz Midori
• 1 oz 99 Bananas
• 1 Lime Popsicle (melted)
• 1/2 can Store Brand Zero Calorie Energy Drink
• 1/4 tsp Blue Curaçao
• Ice

Put your ice in the shaker, and add the vodka, Midori, 99 Bananas, and the melted popsicle.  Shake well.  Add in the energy drink and the curaçao, and gently stir.

Drink one, maybe two to get the party started and your heart rate racing.  Any more than that, and you might just feel like you were blasted by an actual death ray.  Especially the next morning.

Bottom Shelf Mixology S2 Episode 6: Big Game Super Punch

Welcome to the Bottom Shelf Mixology™ video series!  Our staff of Mixologists have decided it would be a good idea to actually test our special "bottom shelf" recipes.  What have we done?

Football? Party? Drinking? Check out our latest episode of Bottom Shelf Mixology: Big Game Super Punch!

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Paradise Lost

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  Our staff of Mixologists have racked their brains (and livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

Paradise Lost (Paradise Mix)

• 1 oz. Crystal Palace Vodka
• 1 oz. Mr. Boston Blue Curaçao
• 1 oz. Kinky Gold
• 1 oz. Malibu Pineapple Rum
• 1 packet McDonald's Sweet And Sour Sauce
• 1 tsp. Powdered Lemonade Drink Mix
• Wint O Green Lifesavers
• Ice

Start off by adding the sweet and sour sauce to your glass.  Stir in the vodka.  Next add in the ice.  Next does the Rum, Kinky Gold, and the blue curaçao.

For the finishing touch, plunk in a handful of Wint O Green Lifesavers.

If you drink enough of these, prepare to pay the price!

For still they knew, and ought to have still remember'd
The high Injunction not to taste that Fruit,
Whoever tempted; which they not obeying,
Incurr'd, what could they less, the penaltie,
And manifold in sin, deserv'd to fall.

Bottom Shelf Mixology S2 Episode 4: Jacked Frosty

Welcome to the Bottom Shelf Mixology™ video series!  Our staff of Mixologists have decided it would be a good idea to actually test our special "bottom shelf" recipes.  What have we done?

Today we have another one of our 12 Drinks of Christmas!

Join me, Unpaid Intern Eric, and Josh as we drink our Jacked Frosty!

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Black Lagoon

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

It's almost Halloween, and that means it's time for some spooky cocktails!

Black Lagoon (Sea Breeze)

• 1 1/2 oz Crystal Palace Vodka
• 2 oz Store Brand Cranberry Juice Cocktail
• 3 oz Faygo Grape Soda
• Ice
• Black Licorice

Put the ice in your glass.  Pour the vodka, cranberry juice cocktail, and grape soda in the glass.  It should turn a nice, dark color.

Stir with a piece of black licorice, leaving it in the glass as a garnish.

Warning: Drinking too many of these may cause delusions of being able to breathe under water.  Please, resist all urges to go swimming.

Bottom Shelf Mixology Episode 2: Almond Flümgorp

Welcome to the Bottom Shelf Mixology™ video series!  Our staff of Mixologists have decided it would be a good idea to actually test our special "bottom shelf" recipes.  What have we done?

Episode two of the Bottom Shelf Mixology series is here!  For this episode, we were joined by LinkslilTri4ce in our tasting of the absolutely disgusting Almond Flümgorp.

12 Drinks of Christmas: Bowl Full of Jelly

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixolog™!  Our staff of Mixologists have racked their brains (and livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

The year is almost over, and so is the holiday season!  Our 12 Drinks of Christmas is still stumbling along, but that is also just about finished.

Today's drink is themed around the jolly fat man himself: Santa!

Drink 11: Bowl Full of Jelly

• 1 pkg Store Brand Cherry Gelatin Mix
• 1 pkg Store Brand Lime Gelatin Mix
• 2 cups Crystal Palace Vodka
• 2 cups Water
• 1 Tangerine

Peel the tangerine, and cut it up in small chunks.  Set aside.

Put the vodka in the freezer.  The colder it is, the better!

Boil one cup of water, and then put it in a large bowl with the lime gelatin mix.  Stir until the mix is dissolved, then add in a cup of the vodka.  Stir well, and pop the bowl in the refrigerator for a few minutes.  Remove the bowl, and stir in about half of the tangerine pieces.  Place back in the fridge.

Wait about an hour, and then boil the other cup of water, and follow the same directions.  After you have added the tangerine chunks, pour the cherry mixture into the same large bowl as the lime mixture.

This mixture is extremely potent, and it probably won't solidify, but you want it to be a little bit loose.  It is easier to serve and drink.

After enough of this, your cheeks will also be like roses, and your nose like a cherry!

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Green Monster

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  Our staff of Mixologists have racked their brains (and livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

Today is National Kale Day, so we thought we would give you our Bottom Shelf version of the Healthy Green Drink.

Green Monster

• 4 oz Crystal Palace Vodka
• 1 12 oz can Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray Soda
• 2 individual cups Store Brand Cinnamon Applesauce
• 3 Tbsp Lemon Pepper Seasoning
• 6 leaves Kale
• 1 Green Apple Blow-Pop 

Process the kale through a juicer.

Add in the lemon pepper, applesauce, celery soda, and vodka.  Unwrap the sucker, and stir.  Leave the sucker in the cup for garnish.

The worst thing in this drink is still the kale.

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Rejected Labor Day Drinks

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  Our staff of Mixologists have racked their brains (and livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

It's Labor Day weekend, and for many people, that means the unofficial end of Summer!  We tried to come up with a drink recipe that you could serve to guests at your big barbecue this weekend, but everything we came up with was extra terrible.  So, we decided to make a new list of rejected drinks.  It was also suggested by multiple people on Twitter to go route of "labor as in giving birth." 

We are proud(?) to now present our four Rejected Labor Day Drinks!  Be warned, one of these is exceptionally nasty.

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Rejected Easter Drinks

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  Our staff of Mixologists have racked their brains (and livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

It's almost Easter, so we spent some time trying to come up with an Easter-themed drink.  We would have done something with Cadbury Eggs, but we already made a drink from them (back when there was all of the hubbub over the chocolate recipe being changed): Cadbury Eggnog.

In the process of trying to come up with a new drink, we ended up coming up with three wonderfully terrible recipes.

I give you our three rejected Easter drinks.

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Almond Flümgorp

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

Almond Flümgorp

• 2 oz. DeKuyper Amaretto
• 2 oz. Crystal Palace Vodka
• 1 Maraschino Cherry

You must use a glass for this drink, as it will melt both styrofoam and plastic cups.  While talking in your best Swedish Chef voice, pour the amaretto in a glass and drop in the cherry.  Quickly add the Crystal Palace, and try to avoid skin contact.

Do not underestimate this drink.  If you do, the Crystal Palace could blind you before you know what happened.  Then it will ransack your house, steal your car, and drop you off in someone's backyard, leaving you to wake up on a random trampoline trying to figure out what happened.  After you start to come out of the haze, you will experience something akin to the Hangover movies, but not as funny, and with a lot more police involvement.

The inspiration for the name comes from this article about reading stuff.  Go read it.