Bottom Shelf Mixology: Cooler's Revenge

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

Cooler's Revenge (Amaretto Cooler)

• 2 oz Amaretto
• 3 oz Diet Cranberry Juice Cocktail
• 2 oz Tangy Citrus Punch
• 1 Lime Popsicle (melted)

Get a tall glass, set it down, and talk to someone for 20 minutes.  Pour in the amaretto, and talk some more.  Follow this pattern with the rest of the ingredients, then stir them together for a few seconds.  This whole drink that would normally take 2 minutes to prepare should end up taking you an hour and twenty minutes.

Put on your Goku pants, and drink.

Repeat for as long as you can stand.

Bottom Shelf Videos: Hot Dad On Your Lips

We finally made and taste tested our drink based on Hot Dad!

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Hot Dad On Your Lips

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

Today, I have a brand new recipe that is a collaboration between me and my internet friend Hot Dad!  He told me that a drink based on him should have Fernet in it, but at the lowest price (that I could find) at $25, it was a little too pricey for the Bottom Shelf.  Since Fernet is a bitter, we have replaced it with, you guessed it, cheap bitters.

Hot Dad On Your Lips

• 1 oz Fleischmann's Rye Whiskey
• 1/2 oz Amaretto
• 1/4 oz Angostura Bitters

Start watching the video below.  Put some ice in a tall glass.  Add the rum, amaretto, and bitters.  Until the end of the song, stir the drink.


Now that the song is over, pour the drink into a short glass while straining out the ice.

Drink, and enjoy another Hot Dad song.


Repeat until you have Hot Dad's entire library memorized.

Bottom Shelf Mixology S2 Ep. 14: Gonna Give It To Ya

Welcome to the Bottom Shelf Mixology™ video series!  Our staff of Mixologists have decided it would be a good idea to actually test our special "bottom shelf" recipes.  What have we done?

Bottom Shelf Mixology Episode 18: The Title Track

Welcome to the Bottom Shelf Mixology™ video series!  Our staff of Mixologists have decided it would be a good idea to actually test our special "bottom shelf" recipes.  What have we done?

This week's episode brings back those childhood memories (apparently).  The Title Track is another creation of ours that, surprisingly, isn't vile!

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Title Track

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

This month, we are going to bring you some brand new Bottom Shelf Mixology recipes!  In fact, we are going to do at least ten.

Title Track (a.k.a. The Namesake)

• 1 oz Amaretto
• 1 oz Grape Pucker
• Store Brand Peanut Butter
• Ice

In your shaker, combine the amaretto, grape Pucker, and ice.  Shake gently.

Rim your glass (shot or otherwise) with the peanut butter.

Strain the drink into the glass.

Sit down in front of your computer, bring up your favorite episode of Bottom Shelf Mixology, and shoot it back while watching us.

Bottom Shelf Mixology Episode 4: Whiskey Split

Welcome to the Bottom Shelf Mixology™ video series!  Our staff of Mixologists have decided it would be a good idea to actually test our special "bottom shelf" recipes.  What have we done?

We have made a terrible mistake.  The Whiskey Split is easily one of the worst drink recipes we have created.

Seriously, don't ever try this one unless you enjoy pain.  Even then, I wouldn't recommend this one.

Instead, you can enjoy watching us suffer!

Bottom Shelf Mixology Episode 2: Almond Flümgorp

Welcome to the Bottom Shelf Mixology™ video series!  Our staff of Mixologists have decided it would be a good idea to actually test our special "bottom shelf" recipes.  What have we done?

Episode two of the Bottom Shelf Mixology series is here!  For this episode, we were joined by LinkslilTri4ce in our tasting of the absolutely disgusting Almond Flümgorp.

Bottom Shelf Mixology: The Pantsuit

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  Our staff of Mixologists have racked their brains (and livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

As part of our celebration of Three Years on the Bottom Shelf, our staff of mixologists have started imagining some drinks for the only people we see on TV more than the Kardashians: Presidential Candidates*.

Our second candidate drink is The Pantsuit.  This is the one you drink so you aren't called sexist.

The Pantsuit (Arkansas Razorback)

• 1 oz Lady Bligh Spiced Rum
• 1 oz Congress Vodka
• 1 oz DeKuyper Amaretto
• 1 oz Sabroso Coffee Liqueur
• Ice

Put the ice in your shaker.  Pour in the coffee liqueur, vodka, and amaretto.  Finish with the Lady Bligh on top.

Shake until frothy, and pour into your glass.

Pairs nicely with a cigar.

*Please note that the drinks in this series do not necessarily reflect the political views of PBAndAwesome.com or its staff.

12 Drinks of Christmas: The Red Nose

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  Our staff of Mixologists have racked their brains (and livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

With Christmas on the horizon, we thought it would be a good time to start unveiling our new 12 Drinks of Christmas.  Between now and December 25, we will be unveiling our holiday-themed beverages (named after holiday characters) like some sort of twisted Advent Calendar.

Today's drink is themed around the most famous reindeer of all: Rudolph

Drink 4: The Red Nose

• 2 oz Heaven Hill Whiskey
• 2 oz DeKuyper Amaretto
• 1 Queen Anne Chocolate Cordial Cherry
• Ice

Put the ice, whiskey, and amaretto in a cocktail shaker, and shake vigorously and make airplane noises for thirty seconds.

Keeping the ice in the shaker, pour the drink into a glass.

Open the chocolate shell on the cherry, and put the cherry in the drink.

Drinking too many of these may impair your judgement.  You might think you're leaving the party with a very cude doe, only to wake up in the morning with an abominable snow monster.

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Whiskey Split

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  Our staff of Mixologists have racked their brains (and livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

Today is National Banana Split Day, and it is also National Whiskey Sour Day.  We decided that we were going to somehow combine the two into a Bottom Shelf Mixology recipe, and I think we have come up with one of our greatest drinks ever!

Whiskey Split

• 1.5 oz R&R Whiskey
• .5 oz Amaretto
• 1.5 oz 99 Bananas Schnapps
• 1 tsp Store Brand Chocolate Flavored Syrup
• 1 tsp Store Brand Strawberry Flavored Syrup
• Whipped Dessert Topping (in spray can)
• 1 Wild Cherry Luden's Throat Drop
• Ice

In a shaker, combine the whiskey, amaretto, and banana schnapps.  Mix well, and poor into a small glass.

Add in the chocolate and strawberry flavored syrup, and stir gently.

Top the drink with a healthy amount of whipped dessert topping, and place the cherry (throat drop) on top.  You might want to drizzle a bit more syrup on top as well.

If you are sick of people always wanting to have some of your banana split, this drink is sure to put an end to that.

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Almond Flümgorp

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

Almond Flümgorp

• 2 oz. DeKuyper Amaretto
• 2 oz. Crystal Palace Vodka
• 1 Maraschino Cherry

You must use a glass for this drink, as it will melt both styrofoam and plastic cups.  While talking in your best Swedish Chef voice, pour the amaretto in a glass and drop in the cherry.  Quickly add the Crystal Palace, and try to avoid skin contact.

Do not underestimate this drink.  If you do, the Crystal Palace could blind you before you know what happened.  Then it will ransack your house, steal your car, and drop you off in someone's backyard, leaving you to wake up on a random trampoline trying to figure out what happened.  After you start to come out of the haze, you will experience something akin to the Hangover movies, but not as funny, and with a lot more police involvement.

The inspiration for the name comes from this article about reading stuff.  Go read it.