Thanksgiving is almost here! After watching the parade and gorging yourself on turkey with all the fixins, you generally have three options: Football, napping, or riffing.
I know the new season of MST3K drops on Thanksgiving, but if you stayed up all night binging it, don't have Netflix, or don't care for the reboot (it's really okay, you don't have to like it), I humbly offer up an alternative serving of RiffTrax releases you could watch instead.
Welcome to Bottom Shelf Microwavables™! We have scoured our library to find the most special "bottom shelf" microwave recipes we could find that range from "oh, that
might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".
We know you've all been waiting in anticipation for the exciting conclusion of our Microwaved Thanksgiving Dinner... so here it is!
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Today's Bottom Shelf Microwavables Recipes:
Corn Bubble
~You Will Need~
1. 1 Can of Corn (16 oz)
2. 2 tbsp Butter
3. 1 Small Onion (Chopped)
4. 2 tbsp Flour
5. 1/2 tsp Paprika
6. 1 tsp Salt
7. 1/4 tsp Dry Mustard
8. Pepper (optional)
9. 3/4 cup Milk
10. 1 Egg (Lightly Beaten with Milk)
11. Microwave
12. A Microwave-Safe Container
~Cooking Your Corn Bubble~
1. Put your chopped onions and butter into your microwave-safe container and cook on a High heat setting for 1-2 minutes.
2. Mix in flour, salt, paprika, dry mustard, and pepper (optional).
3. Stir in milk and egg mixture slowly.
4. Cook for 8-10 minutes on medium-high heat or until there is no remaining liquid.
5. Cover your dish an let the mixture rest for 3-5 minutes before serving.
Apple and Pork Sausage Stuffing
~You Will Need~
1. 1 pound of Ground Pork/Pork Sausage
2. 1 Large Onion (or 2 Small Onions) (Chopped)
3. 1 cup Applesauce (or one Baby Food Jar of Applesauce)
4. 2 tbsp Butter
5. 1 cup of Hot Water
6. 1 Cube of Chicken Bouillon
7. 1 1/2 tsp Seasoned Salt
8. 2 cups (or 1 Box) of Stuffing Mix
9. Microwave
10. 2 Microwave-Safe Containers
~Cooking Your Apple and Pork Sausage Stuffing~
1. Cook pork in a microwave-safe container on a high heat setting for 3-7 minutes or until all of the meat has browned.
2. In a separate container, heat onions and butter for 4-5 min.
3. Mix everything together and microwave on High for 2 min.
Welcome to Bottom Shelf Microwavables™! We have scoured our library to find the most special "bottom shelf" microwave recipes we could find that range from "oh, that
might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".
It's that special time of year where the Bottom Shelf Crew will stuff
their faces and probably not pay that much attention to sportsball! If
you're like any of us who have never prepared a Thanksgiving dinner,
feel free to NOT make one like the one we made!
Today's Bottom Shelf Microwavables Recipes:
Microwaved Turkey (Whole)
~You Will Need~
1. 1 Whole Turkey
2. Butter
3. Oven Bag
4. Glass Baking Dish
5. Microwave
6. Meat Thermometer
~Defrosting Your Turkey~
1.
Place whole turkey into microwave with the wrapping still in tact and
defrost for 5-6 minutes per pound on the lowest heat setting. You will
stop the microwave at the halfway point.
2. Let the turkey rest for 30 minutes
3. After the turkey has cooled, remove the wrappings and cover the wing and leg tips with aluminum foil.
4. Return the turkey to the microwave for the remainder of the defrosting time.
5. Remove turkey from microwave and allow it to rest for another 30 minutes.
~Cooking Your Turkey~
1. Remove the gross bits of your turkey (giblets/neck/etc.) and rise your turkey in cold water.
2. Spread butter all over your turkey.
3. Place turkey in a microwave safe oven-bag and seal it.
4. Set the bagged turkey in a glass baking dish.
5. Cut small vents into the top of your bag to allow the turkey to breathe.
6. Cook your turkey for 6-8 minutes per pound at a medium-high heat setting.
7. Your turkey is ready once the internal temperature reaches 170 F (or 76.67 C.)
Corn Bubble
~You Will Need~
1. 1 Can of Corn (16 oz)
2. 2 tbsp Butter
3. 1 Small Onion (Chopped)
4. 2 tbsp Flour
5. 1/2 tsp Paprika
6. 1 tsp Salt
7. 1/4 tsp Dry Mustard
8. Pepper (optional)
9. 3/4 cup Milk
10. 1 Egg (Lightly Beaten with Milk)
11. Microwave
12. A Microwave-Safe Container
~Cooking Your Corn Bubble~
1. Put your chopped onions and butter into your microwave-safe container and cook on a High heat setting for 1-2 minutes.
2. Mix in flour, salt, paprika, dry mustard, and pepper (optional).
3. Stir in milk and egg mixture slowly.
4. Cook for 8-10 minutes on medium-high heat or until there is no remaining liquid.
5. Cover your dish an let the mixture rest for 3-5 minutes before serving.
Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™! We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".
Hot Punch in the Mouth
32 oz Cran-apple Juice Cocktail
1 Tbsp Powdered Lemonade Drink Mix
4 Cloves
6 Hot Tamales Candies
1/4 cup Brown Sugar
1 cup Franzia Chillable Red Wine
Combine everything but the wine in a large microwave safe bowl. Cover it, and microwave it on High for two minutes. Stir it, and put it back in on High for another two minutes.
Add in the wine, and, you guessed it, back on High for two more minutes.
As soon as the microwave stops, pull your bowl out, and serve this piping hot punch!
This drink is another wonderful addition to the holiday season, especially for those adults who have to sit at the kids table when you run out of seats at the adult table because your cousin Alex brought his new girlfriend Marlene and her two adult sons without informing the rest of the family first, and they get to sit at the adult table because they are guests.
Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™! Our staff of Mixologists have racked their brains (and livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".
Thanksgiving is coming fast, and everywhere you look online, people are posting fantastic sounding recipes. Time for us to join in the fun!
Last year, we shared the recipes for two Thanksgiving-themed drinks, the Old Crowberry and the Turkey Smoothie. Now, we have come up with a new drink for the season: The Gravy Spritzer.
Gravy Spritzer
3 oz Sutter Home White Wine
1 oz Store Brand Diet Lemon-Lime Soda
2 tsp McCormick Turkey Gravy Mix
Start by putting the gravy mix into your glass. Pour in the wine, and stir until the gravy dust is dissolved. Add in the lemon-lime soda, and serve.
This is the prefect drink to give to that one cousin that keeps trying to hit on you at these holiday family gatherings. You know the one.
Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™! We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".
Today, we've got something a little different than usual. This drink recipe is not going to be cheap if you follow the ingredients, because there is only one whiskey that works in conjunction with the drink's name.
The Turkey Smoothie (a.k.a. Pumpkin Pie Daiquiri)
1/3 can (5 oz.) of pumpkin pie filling
6 cups ice
1 cup whipped cream
1/4 cup soda water
3/4 cup Wild Turkey
Combine the ice and pie filling in the blender and pulse a few times to get it mixed a bit. Pour in the soda water and whiskey. Blend until it is as smooth as you can get it. Pour into glasses. Serve with spoon straw and a dollop of whipped cream on top.
This is the perfect drink to get anyone in the mood for Thanksgiving, or as I like to call it, "the lost holiday" (it's the only major holiday to get pretty much completely buried under the hype of another upcoming holiday). Anyone who drinks enough of these will have absolutely no problem getting along with any member of their family.
Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™! We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".
Old Crowberry
One can jellied cranberry sauce
4 oz. Old Crow whiskey
The Holiday Season is officially upon us, so now is the time to start preparing for all that "wonderful" time spent with family. This shooter is the perfect way to do just that.
First, you need to open your can of jellied cranberry sauce. Once you have the can open, you have two options: sauce in or out of the can. Either way will work, but I recommend leaving it in the can to reduce the mess.
Once you have decided what to do with your sauce, you will need to scoop out some of it to create a small hole. Once you are satisfied with the size of your hole, you will pour in the whiskey.
Drink (and repeat) until you feel comfortable enough to sit and listen to Uncle Ron's bunion stories.
Hey turkey lovers! Greetings from the Bottom Shelf!
Thanksgiving is at hand! Many of us will eat, drink, argue, watch football, and nap in excess. Did I mention drinking? Bottom shelf whiskey is on the menu, of course, but how many of us really know the true roots of thanksgiving?
This morning, I woke up to something that totally makes me want to crawl right back in bed. Maybe even pull the covers up over my face and weep for the future of humanity. That something is the latest "music video" released by Patrice Wilson, the man behind such abominations as Friday and Thanksgiving. This time, it's a little girl singing about how much she loves Chinese Food. And yes, it might be a little racist.
If you didn't bother watching that(and I totally don't blame you for that), here are some "highlights" that you missed.
Holy cow, he's back! Patrice Wilson, the man who unleashed Friday from the bowels of Hell onto an unsuspecting populace, returns with yet another vacant-eyed teenybopper named Nicole Westerbrook singing It's Thanksgiving. If Friday was a bad day at work, this is having a bad day, getting fired, and coming home to find your wife in bed with another man. Now watch, and suffer as I have!
Oh, Patrice also pops up in this video to perform, just like he did in Rebecca Black's video, only this time it feels supremely inappropriate. Why is a big black guy at a Christmas party with young girls (and one young boy), and no other adults in sight? Where's Chris Hansen when you need him? Check out the screen shots after the jump.
