Bottom Shelf Mixology: Almond Flümgorp

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

Almond Flümgorp

• 2 oz. DeKuyper Amaretto
• 2 oz. Crystal Palace Vodka
• 1 Maraschino Cherry

You must use a glass for this drink, as it will melt both styrofoam and plastic cups.  While talking in your best Swedish Chef voice, pour the amaretto in a glass and drop in the cherry.  Quickly add the Crystal Palace, and try to avoid skin contact.

Do not underestimate this drink.  If you do, the Crystal Palace could blind you before you know what happened.  Then it will ransack your house, steal your car, and drop you off in someone's backyard, leaving you to wake up on a random trampoline trying to figure out what happened.  After you start to come out of the haze, you will experience something akin to the Hangover movies, but not as funny, and with a lot more police involvement.

The inspiration for the name comes from this article about reading stuff.  Go read it.

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Jersey Mojito

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

Jersey Mojito

• 2 oz. Barton White Rum
• 2 oz. Mint Schnapps
• 1 can store brand diet lemon-lime soda
• 1 handful of sugar packets 
• Ice

A normal mojito usually only has about ten percent alcohol by volume, but that isn't enough for a true Bottom Shelfer.  To kick things up a notch, we will be using mint schnapps instead of mint leaves.   Pour in your mint schnapps into a tall glass.  Add the contents of some of the sugar packets, and stir.  Put in a few ice cubes (you don't want to fill the glass with ice, because you want to be able to pour in as much soda as possible).  Grab your bottle of Barton Rum that you have left over from the Chunky Piña Colada, and pour about two ounces into your glass.  Fill with your diet lemon-lime soda.

This drink is best enjoyed in Richland, New Jersey (also briefly known as Mojito, New Jersey).

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Chunky Piña Colada

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

Chunky Piña Colada

• 2 oz. Barton Light Rum
• 1 - 8 oz. can of crushed pineapple in syrup (heavy or light)
• 2 oz. coconut milk
• 1/2 cup ice

It's time to enjoy that most wondrous of all tropical drinks: the piña colada!

The rum, coconut milk, ice, and the syrup from the can of pineapple all go into a blender.  Mix well.

Pour the pineapple chunks into your glass.  Then, pour the contents of the blender over the chunks.  Stir well.

We suggest eating this one with a spoon.

Bottom Shelf Mixology Rejects

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

As a special treat today, I have a sort of behind the scenes look at our "creative process" for you.

The following recipes were deemed by me and Russ (and our unpaid intern) to be so foul that we couldn't put them with our other original creations.  That actually says a lot about them, because our other original creations are mostly terrible.  These, however, are the demon drinks we somehow summoned from the depths of the abyss.

Bottom Shelf Mixology: White Trash Screwdriver

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

White Trash Screwdriver

• 1 gallon SunnyD
• 10 oz. Popov Vodka

Pour some of the SunnyD into a pitcher or bowl.  Dump about ten ounces of Popov in.  Honestly though, it doesn't matter how much you pour in.  Look at it like you are seasoning some food to taste.  Pour as much in as you can stand.  The stronger it is, the less time spent on worrying about how bad it tastes!

This one is great for those long nights spent by yourself, playing an online game.  Extra points if it's your birthday!