Sunday, March 23, 2014

The Whiskey Games - South Division Round One

Whiskey fans, let the madness begin!  Will there be upsets, or will the favorites dominate the regurgitate?

This is a battle for worst whiskey, not the best bottom shelfer. A definite race to the septic tank bottom.

Today we have eight bottom shelfers from the South Division trying to crawl their way through Round One.

Our First Round matchup from the South at Skid Row Chinese Takeout Arena, has heavily favored Fleischmann's with mascot Homey The Clown, slugging it out with Beam's Eight Star. You may remember Beam's Eight Star is a crowd favorite with the Halloween monster folks. The putrid poisoner is undaunted and totally blitzes Eight Star to a real skunking. Fleischmann's stifling halitosis defense controls the game all the way though. Fleischmann's lives up to it's number one billing and cruises to the next round.

The second half of the double header at Skid Row Chinese Takeout Arena features Imperial Whiskey (the stuff that got the Puritans into twerking) and Ten High Whiskey. Their mascots, The imp next door, and Toto the paranoid, rehabbing circus clown, are fighting on the sidelines. Ten High, aka the virulent stain, is easily making three point shots, which is not advised. Imperial knocks back a few shots of its own, but in the end that "Ten High smile" that usually follows a good dump eases into the next round. Skid Row Chinese Takeout Arena erupts, and no one can find their way home.

 Meanwhile, over at Bubba's Worlds Largest Outhouse (it seats ten!), G & W Five Star whiskey hosts visitor Kessler.  G & W is a favorite of the early patriot groups. Famous alumnae like George Washington, Paul Revere, and the Jeffersons(Thomas, George, and Weezy) are here in spirit.  But, Kessler has it's own smooth as silk style. Julius' Juice is fast on the break, but Kessler is just too good of a whiskey to win against an overwhelming full outhouse press defense.  Please pass the Glade. G & W Five Star advances to the next level.

Up next, Heaven Hill goes against newbie Town Club complete unknown.  Bubba's ten seater is aired out before the new group piles in. Heaven Hill is a real slug it down whiskey.  The new Town Club shows much power. The Club team is all over Heaven Hill, like stink on sh*t, a real swarming full court press. Heaven Hill's glass bottle and nasty label is not just another pretty face, it has liver disabling speed and chokes the life from Town Club.  Good bye Town Club we hardly knew ya. Heaven Hill moves on. 

Here is our South Division Bracket for Round Two!

Be sure to check out Round One of the North Division on Tuesday!