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Saturday, January 18, 2014

The Bottom Shelf: Heaven Hill

The holiday season has come and gone, but The Bottom Shelf is forever!

The Bottom Shelf with Russ: Heaven Hill Whiskey

Sorry about such a long wait between reviews, but Bottom Shelf Russ was doing some heavy research (ahem).

Heaven Hill is a cheap whiskey that, I am sure, got a lot of people thru their December activities and endless boring get-togethers with family.  However, for me it was just another piss poor excuse for booze.

Heaven Hill is a family owned business from Bardstown, KY.  Does that sound familiar to you?  It should, because some of the other crappy whiskey that we have reviewed came from that same area.

Heaven Hill also distributes many other very popular liquors like Evan Williams, Christian Bros. brandy, HPNOTIQ Two Fingers tequila, Whaler's rum, Georgia Moon corn liquor, Evan Williams Egg Nog, Elijah Craig, DuBonnet Aperitif, Admiral Nelson, Burnett Gin, and on and on.

They claim to have over 900,000 barrels, not gallons, of bourbon on hand and aging. Some of those may be good drink, but not Heaven Hill Whiskey.  This stuff could only be aimed at bums or morlocks. It is a fairly strong tasting and smelling whiskey. Overpowering I would say, and it leaves a bitter after taste.  It is also a very disconcerting dark yellow color, that looks like the pee of a man who hasn't peed in two days.

It is not the worst whiskey I've ever had, but then again, I have had Fleischmann's the putrid poisoner, which could only be beaten by a urine stream from a sick moose.

Maybe it's because I was given a bottle of Crown Royal Select in late October by a friend (thanks Eric) that made my taste buds mellow, but they were not ready for what was going to happen to them. Heaven Hill whiskey is the exact opposite of Crown Royal. No amount of peanut butter fudge or Christmas cookies would change the long lasting foul after taste.  My New Years resolution is never to drink Heaven Hill again.

Photo by Craig Duncan
If you insist on trying Heaven Hill whiskey, do so at your own risk.  Never have it straight and have a pocketful of breath mints in your pockets.  Oh yes, it leaves a nasty hangover.  Also, there should be no smoking within ten feet.

Lets get to the ratings shall we?

Taste: 2 - I think this whiskey was intended to be strong and not for the weak of heart or liver and spleen.  

Mixability: 1 - It will over power what ever you put it in.

Effects: 4 - It starts you right off with a low grade headache, gut ache, bad breath (enough that you will offend yourself with halitosis).

Cost: 5 - Extra cheap at $6something a bottle. The one I bought had a lot of dust on it. Maybe this product is not a fast mover?

Packaging: 5 - Nice looking label and a heavy glass bottle.


Well folks, here's hoping that Christmas was good to you and didn't leave your credit card with a hangover (heads up Target shoppers). Also, have a very happy New Year. I have a strong feeling that this will be a good year for everyone to find a job (or a better job), get healthy, or reconnect with lost friends or family.

As for me, the experiment continues with McMaster's Whiskey. It is another Canadian offering.  Meanwhile I feel my guts will continue on a downward spiral and a colon cleansing coming on.

Here's looking up yours from Bottom Shelf Russ!

You can read the other entries from The Bottom Shelf With Russ here: 

Fleischmann's
THE Northern Lights
Canada (Out)House
R&R
Canadian LTD
G&W Five Star
Kessler
Ten High
Windsor Canadian
Beam's Eight Star
Imperial

1 comment:

  1. As always, Russ, thanks for the witty review and subliminal suggestion, "don't drink Heaven Hill while looking for a job (or a better job) because your breath may leave a bad impression" ... :)

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