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Tuesday, June 25, 2013

The Bottom Shelf: Canadian LTD Whiskey

The Bottom Shelf with Russ: Canadian LTD Whiskey

Welcome to The Bottom Shelf with Russ! I am back from camping in upstate Michigan, where we saw some great weather, beautiful countryside, and friendly residents.  This review of Canadian LTD Blended Canadian Whiskey however, is from late winter in Michigan, when even the winter loving people start thinking about spring.
Bobby Orr and Canadian LTD Whiskey

I drank Canadian LTD mostly while watching hockey at night and ice fishing for perch in the mornings. Now, there is a TV show with character named Mashed Potato Johnson, and he says, "you got to sell your soul to the devil to play the blues."  Well, LTD whiskey has me wanting to at least buy a new stomach lining and lease a used colon.  Thinking of LTD makes my anus burp and my esophagus squeeze shut.

Lets get right to the ratings!

Taste: 2 - Not the worst ever, but makes me think about cousin Eddy from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation draining the septic tank of the Winnebago into the sewer. It's the gift that keeps giving the whole year round. 

Cost: 3 - Cheap, about the same cost as a gallon of premium gas, and it looks and taste probably the same.  Canadians put it into the gas tanks of their snowmachines during the five weeks of summer storage (think stabilizer).

Packaging: 1 - Canadian LTD  has a crappy looking bottle and a huge LTD on the label. Makes me woozy.

Effects: 2 - Not an uplifting type of a buzz, but a low grade headache.  Again, as with the other bottom shelf whiskeys, it makes sleepy time come fast.

Mixability: 4 - Mix with anything. Try mixing 7-Up and Alka-Seltzer with LTD and make a new drink called a Canadian Fizzy Surprise also known as the Canadian Colon Cleanser (this makes a great colonoscopy prep). Caution: Do not drink Canadian Colon Cleanser the night before going ice fishing! Twenty minutes to remove your snowmobile stuff and long johns to squat two miles out on the Saginaw Bay, only to realize there is no toilet paper.  You could also use LTD with 4 ounces of oil for your weedwacker, chainsaw, snow blower, etc.

Final Comments: To be fair, the advertising for LTD says "Deep golden amber color (dehydrated hot weather piss), honey, grain husk, and raisin chutney aromas follow through on a mild entry with vanilla taffy, nutshell, dusty tilled earth notes. Finishes with a quick caramel and pepper fade." This statement proves they must drink their own stuff! Mild entry? Should be rear entry, with nut sack aromas, and finishes with a quick gag.

I have had good Canadian whiskey before, this is not it.

The Bottom Shelf with Russ: Canadian LTD Whiskey

As you may or may not know, I write these reviews from notes I made while drinking these brands. Yes, I did really drink them, so obviously I made it through them all. After LTD however, this experiment almost came to a screeching halt.  Bottom shelf whiskey was beginning to take a toll on my body.  My weight was up ten pounds, I felt like crap, and I was taking Prilosec and Rolaids by the handful.  I knew I needed to persevere, so after a short break I moved on to our next brand: G&W Five Star American Blended Whiskey (yes it will get a campfire started).

'Til then, here's looking up yours from Bottom Shelf Russ!

Reviews so far: 

Fleischmann's, the putrid poisoner.
THE Northern Lights, the groovy gulper.
Canada (Out)House.
R&R, with no snappy nickname yet.

6 comments:

  1. Good whiskey when a gallon of depression you seek and $20 is all you have... Good article though, very accurate on rear entry, with nut sack aromas, and finishes with a quick gag. 😎Been my cheap drink o' f the world for months now

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  2. I read and understand your review on this LTD blend. What would be your comparison between this LTD and JDaniels straight black label ? This LTD to me is so much more smoother, but thats just me. Im a 52 year old armature really. Is JD that bad ? They are currently undergoing expansion here in TN. Just curious about your comparison between both the a fore mentioned.
    Thanks,
    Randy

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  3. I used to always buy this shit when I was twenty and in an abusive relationship. It certainly made me forget about that. As well as everything else, and I still had enough money left for a pack of kool menthols. If you're looking to fight, fuck, or puke without all that pesky discretion you've spent your entire life developing, split a plastic bottle of this with someone you can shit your pants with.

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  4. I've had a bottle sitting in my bar for a few years and I was finally desperate enough to try it. I poured it over a few ice cubes and took a sip. This is by far the worst booze I've ever tasted. But it's cold out and I'm too lazy to go to the store, so I'm drinking at least one glass. I can already feel a kidney stone forming.
    It tastes like bad breath smells.
    I think I'll bring the rest of the bottle down by the river and leave it fr the homeless guys. Maybe it will ward off some zika mosquitoes.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I've had a bottle sitting in my bar for a few years and I was finally desperate enough to try it. I poured it over a few ice cubes and took a sip. This is by far the worst booze I've ever tasted. But it's cold out and I'm too lazy to go to the store, so I'm drinking at least one glass. I can already feel a kidney stone forming.
    It tastes like bad breath smells.
    I think I'll bring the rest of the bottle down by the river and leave it fr the homeless guys. Maybe it will ward off some zika mosquitoes.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I bought some last Saturday, first time. Drank a few drinks with Coke. Felt like shit for two days, even my eyeballs hurt. Then I got brave and tried it again, a couple of nights later. Same story. I still have a half a bottle left. It's a fifth. I will wait for someone who I don't like to give it to. Horrible, the absolute worst!

    ReplyDelete