Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Review: Beverage Flavored Pop-Tarts

The three newest flavors of Pop-Tarts have been unleashed upon humanity, and after a bit of hunting, I finally got my hands on all three.  I kind of wish I hadn't.

Pink Lemonade

The pink lemonade flavor isn't that bad, really.  These kind of taste like a lemon tart, which, makes perfect sense now that I think about it.  It's in the name!  Of course that's what it's going to taste like.

When you first open these, you are hit with a smell like they are going to be so sour, you're going to look like Arseface after you eat them.

Thankfully, that isn't the case.  The sour and sweet is balanced nicely, with the sour singing through just enough to give you that little hit that you would want.

Orange Crush

These were very middle of the road for me.  They weren't bad, but I won't be going out of my way to buy them again any time soon.

They faintly taste like orange creamsicle I guess?  The filling tastes kind of like if you didn't finish your drink soon enough and it started to go flat.  The icing kind of gives it the creamy flavor, but the whole package is just unusual with the pastry.

A&W Root Beer

These are my least favorite flavor of Pop-Tarts ever.  This isn't just hyperbole either.  These are actually worse than the maple bacon flavor.  I didn't even think that was going to be possible, but Kellogg's has proven me wrong.

The filling tastes like the root beer syrup from a soda fountain after it has been left out in direct sunlight in Arizona for about a week.  And that isn't even the worst part!

I've tasted these abominations against mankind three times, and I finally figured out what it was that felt so off about these.

The pastry.

I tried a bit of the pastry that was broken off while I was trying to take pictures.  Granted, the pastry part of Pop-Tarts is generally the worst part, but people, this takes it to a whole new low.

I felt like I had just licked an envelope.  Yes, you read that correctly; it tastes like envelope glue.  George's fiancee would have died from the crust on these.

Even my son doesn't like these, and he loves root beer flavored stuff.  He even really liked the maple bacon flavor.

So, the pink lemonade are okay, the orange ones are inoffensive, and the root beer are foul.