Friday, October 11, 2013

HMM '13: Once Bitten

It's October!  The doorway to not only the start of the greatest food season (early October to Christmas), but also to sexy nurses, zombies, and grown men dressing up like ponies.  That also means it is time once again for Halloween Movie Madness!  This year, I'll be taking a look back at the movies of my youth.  Every movie this year was released before I turned eighteen.  These are the Halloween movies that shaped me into the man I am today.  Some of them are scary.  Some are funny.  Some are fantastical.  Some are just weird.  And not all of them are good.  But to me, they are all Halloween movies.  Now, stand back, for your own safety! 

Once Bitten

If you haven't been able to tell yet, my parents didn't care what I watched when I was a kid.  It didn't matter if it was scary, gory, or sexy, they didn't care.  If they did, I probably wouldn't have seen Once Bitten when I did.  I mean, let's face it, you don't normally let a kid who is eight watch a movie where the main plot is about a virgin trying to get into his girlfriend's pants. 

Once Bitten Jim Carrey

Mark, our hapless, horned up teenager, keeps trying to get Robin, his girlfriend, to have sex with him.  Every time, she shoots him down.  Frustrated, he takes off with  his friend to a singles bar.  There, he meets The Countess, a vampire who has to drink the blood of a virgin three times before Halloween to keep her beauty.  She takes him back to her mansion, bites him in the thigh, and he passes out. Hijinks ensue, and we have the remainder of our movie.

Once Bitten

There are two scenes in the movie that stuck with me all these years, and they were spot on with what happened in the movie.  The first is the dance off.  Yes, this movie features a dance fight between a teenage girl and a vampiress who is hundreds of years old.  And it takes place at the high school Halloween dance.  To a song titled Hands Off.  You really can't make this up.

Normally, this is where I would make a few gifs of the scene, but you need the whole thing, music and all.

The second scene is at the end, where Robin takes Mark's virginity to save him from The Countess (whoops, SPOILERS!).  The couple is being chased through the Countess' mansion, and they end up getting in a coffin to hide and, well, do the nasty.  I guess if the coffin is rockin', don't come expecting to get a third meal of blood from a virgin.

While watching through the movie again, I noticed how funny the whole movie is.  Even with what I remembered from it, I know there is no way I could have appreciated it for what it was, nor could I have gotten even fifty percent of the humor.

If you don't have a problem with watching a movie that is very much an 80's movie, you should give this a chance.  It's a better teenage vampire love triangle than Twilight.

Until then, here are today's Gifs Without Context.

Come back tomorrow for Tremors.