Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Halloween Movie Madness 2017: Teenage Space Vampires

October is finally here!  This year, it brings the long awaited return of Halloween Movie Madness!  I decided I needed to try and make this year special, so most of the movies on this year's list are films that I haven't seen before(and I will probably wish I never sat through half of them). 

Another night, another movie I know next to nothing about!  Not for a lack of trying, though.  There just didn't seem to be a lot of information on this movie.  I had a hell of a time just trying to find a trailer for it. What I found was two trailers that used the same footage, but had a different voice over.  In one, the movie was Darkness.  In the other, Teenage Space Vampires.  My DVD is titled Darkness: The Teen Space Vampire Saga.

Already I'm confused.

Apparently, this movie was a Romanian/Canadian/US production.  I can't wait to see the weirdly dubbed actors that are customary in these types of movies.

And after finding the box art, this whole movie makes so much more sense.  There was no blood, no swearing, no nudity, no threat, and no one was hurt in the end.  Unless you count the actual Space Vampire guy Vlathos.

An alien spacecraft comes to Earth, and only Billy sees it.  And he is a huge monster movie nerd, so no one believes him.  Not his poorly dubbed parents, his neighbor with the thick German accent (at least, I think it's German), his History teacher, or the hilariously badly dubbed bully twins.  The twins, teacher, and German neighbor are already turned when they are introduced, and the rest of the neighborhood starts getting turned over the course of the movie.

The twins are also soccer players.  In fact, a good portion of this movie takes place at a high school soccer game (with the most annoying cheerleaders ever).

One of the movie's titles seems to imply more than one space vampire, but all of the people that get turned into other vampires are apparently not actual vampires, space or otherwise.  They are only  described as servants to Vlathos.  This is their explanation as to why they can walk around in the sun without dying.  However, they can bite people and turn them also.

When I said all of the people get turned, I am pretty sure there are only four people in the town that don't get turned by the end.  And once Billy recovers the giant diamond called The Light Of The Moon from Vlathos and smashes it, the the sunlight and moonlight stored up inside it destroy Vlathos, and everyone is just fine.  Yes, this movie seems to think that sunlight and moonlight are two separate things, even though they explain what a lunar eclipse is.  That implies knowledge of the Sun's light reflecting off of the moon, but they still treat it as its own thing.

In an interesting twist, after they are cured, the townsfolk all seem to have full memory of what happened.  They all seem fine with it too.  No one is freaked out over what the just went through.  It's a nice, safe, sanitary ending for a nice, safe, sanitary movie.

This movie was bad, and it has still been the best thing I've watched so far for this year's HMM.

Hopefully tomorrow's is better!