Tuesday, October 8, 2013

HMM '13: Critters 2

It's October!  The doorway to not only the start of the greatest food season (early October to Christmas), but also to sexy nurses, zombies, and grown men dressing up like ponies.  That also means it is time once again for Halloween Movie Madness!  This year, I'll be taking a look back at the movies of my youth.  Every movie this year was released before I turned eighteen.  These are the Halloween movies that shaped me into the man I am today.  Some of them are scary.  Some are funny.  Some are fantastical.  Some are just weird.  And not all of them are good.  But to me, they are all Halloween movies.  Now, stand back, for your own safety!

Critters 2

Critters 2 Poster

Following up to yesterday's post, our movie for today is Critters 2, otherwise known as Critters Babies. After the way the first one scared me, I didn’t want to have anything to do with this movie for a while. In fact, I didn’t watch it until 1992, after Critters 4 had been released. The same friend I used to watch the first few Puppet Master movies with is the same guy that watched the Critters movies with. And we watched all four of them. In one day. Then again the following day. That was the weekend that began my lifelong love affair with the Critters series. I know they get worse as the series progresses, but that is part of the reason I love them so much.

Critters 2
At the beginning of the movie, we see the bounty hunters and Charlie (the hapless drunk from the first movie) on an alien planet, hunting down some other breed of dangerous alien. They get a transmission about how a sweep of Earth shows that their job wasn’t done, and there are more crites there. Oh, and they won’t get paid for the job they just did until they go back to Earth and finish the other job. They come back just as it starts to hit the fan, meet up with the kid from the first movie, and fight the crites.

Critters 2

Here lies my problem with trying to be spoiler free. You see, simply by mentioning the events of this movie gives away part of the ending of the first one. I guess it can’t be avoided though. Plus, I think after twenty plus years, the spoilers become fair game. Kind of a “you snooze, you lose” scenario, if you will.

At the end of the first movie, we get a shot of eggs in a barn (hence part of my barn fear). Of course, they are crite eggs. With this knowledge and my referencing to the movie as Critter Babies, I think you can see where this is going. This movie also has WAY more crites in it than the first, and that leads up to the most memorable moment from the entire series, but we will get to that in a bit.

Critters 2

I feel it is important to mention that this movie takes place at Easter. Yes, crite eggs get mistaken for (and subsequently painted as) Easter Eggs. And yes, a man in an Easter Bunny suit gets killed by crites. It’s my second favorite scene in the movie. Here, I’ll just show you.

Trying to fix his bunny crotch before he gets to the kids.

Distracted by a broken eggshell.

BAM!  Critters in the crotch hole!  Before he dies, he stumbles through a stained glass window of the church.  Which happens to be full.  Because it's Easter morning.

All of this is but a lead up to the Giant Critter Ball of Death.

Sure, it might just look like a big fuzzy boulder, but look what it can do:

Seriously, if you haven’t seen these movies, watch them any way you can. You would only be doing yourself a favor.

While you are waiting for them to finish downloading (don’t act like that’s not how you are going to watch these movies), here are today’s Gifs Without Context.

See you tomorrow for the DiCaprio-tastic Critters 3.