Friday, January 8, 2016

Review: Maple Bacon, Watermelon, & Chocolatey Caramel Pop-Tarts

A few months ago, we got word that some new Pop-Tarts flavors were coming out this winter.  I have been looking out for them for the last month, and I finally found them!

I have also found the first ever Pop-Tarts flavor that I detest.

Let's start out with the flavor that most people would already know will taste good.

Chocolatey Caramel

With Chocolatey Caramel, I was expecting something that would be too sweet.  Hurt your teeth sweet.  Surprisingly, the flavor was pretty mellow.  Of course, the filling isn't just straight up caramel or anything.  If that were the case, these would have been cloyingly sweet.

This is the only flavor I would actually eat out of the three, and I can't because of the chocolate.


This flavor surprised me.  I thought it was going to taste like watermelon candy.  Instead, it was somewhere in between actual watermelon flavor and the candy taste.  The aftertaste was almost exactly like eating actual watermelon.  With the pastry part, it was like some sort of strange watermelon sandwich.

I'm not going to say that I like this flavor, because I'm not sure if I do.  I can say that it was not offensive though.

I kind of wish these had sprinkles on them that looked like seeds.  They missed a golden opportunity there!

Maple Bacon

The mad scientists at Kellogg's have officially gone too far!  I knew this flavor wouldn't be amazing, but I didn't think it was going to be at this level of nasty.

I opened the package and took a big whiff, and I knew I was not in for anything pleasant.  They smell like artificial smoke flavor with a hint of sweet behind it.

I steeled myself and took a bite.  I chewed it for a few seconds longer than I should have, and I did something I have never done with any Pop-Tarts flavor: I spit it out.  They taste like they smell, but with some added saltiness.

Eating these hellspawn is like licking a Canadian lumberjack's armpits after a full day of work.

It is awful.  This is the type of food you offer to someone you don't like.  These and some of those Beanboozled jelly beans.

I have never felt so nervous while trying new Pop-Tarts flavors before, but I don't think I will be able to shake that with any new flavors in the future.  You broke me, Kellogg's!