Wednesday, January 20, 2016

3 More Movies Perfect for RiffTrax

Being the fan of RiffTrax that I am, I find it fun to think about movies that I would like to see get riffed.  Last March, I made the case for three movies, and this past October, No Retreat, No Surrender(one of the movies from my first list) was released by RiffTrax.  That makes me one for three on my suggestions!

Now, after almost a year of watching some more terrible films, I have another list of three more that would be perfect for RiffTrax!

Carver's Gate

I stumbled on this movie last summer at one of our local discount stores.  It was $1.99 on DVD, so of course I purchased it immediately.  After watching it twice, I think I might have bought this for the $11.50 it is selling for on Amazon.  Not because this movie is so good, mind you.  There is a definite reason that it is on this list.  This is one of those movies that you enjoy watching because of how terrible it is.

This movie is almost like The Matrix, but there aren't any robot overlords, and they wrap people up in cling wrap when they die.  There is a virtual reality program called After Life that everyone is addicted to (because they need to get away from the reality that the planet is dying or something.  There is also one called Sex Life, which you would expect to be the more popular option.).  They spend all of their time in there.  And don't forget the topless women that live in the sewers!  When they show up, the movie really makes sure you notice them.

Anyway, there is a nefarious plot afoot involving people trying to bring virtual people over into the real world to be slaves or something, and it is up to Eddie Wilson to stop them.  And show us his bare ass, apparently.

Hercules (1983)

From the studio that brought us The Apple, Over the Top, Masters of the Universe(another one I would love to see riffed, but we'll save that for another time), and Superman IV, comes the classic tale of the half-god half-man Hercules.  In this version of the classic story, Hercules (played by Lou Ferrigno) must save the Princess Cassiopeia from a wizard/mad scientist.  Along the way, he throws a bear into space, fights giant "stop-motion" robots (that are more like wind-up toys than stop-motion), and gets turned into a giant.

I know, it sounds like an amazing movie!  The only thing amazing is how terrible it is.  Watch the trailer and see the tip of the terrible iceberg that this movie actually is.


Finally, we have for you the strangest Fourth of July movie ever.  This family is on their private island plantation for the holiday, and it turns out they have been using a pesticide that has apparently been making the native animal life into bloodthirsty killers.

The title Frogs is a misnomer though.  There are no killer frogs in the movie.  There are also killer snakes, lizards, butterflies (I have never seen an evil butterfly before, but look at the shot in the trailer. That butterfly is evil!), leeches, and even a double team death by tarantulas and moss.  What more could you ask for in a film celebrating our nation's independence?

That's all I have this time around, but with all of the crap I watch (and usually force my wife to also endure), you can believe I will have more soon.