Monday, March 23, 2015

Three Movies Perfect for RiffTrax

Those of you who follow along with this site may have noticed that I am a bit of a RiffTrax fan.  Okay, fine. I'm an addict.  Thankfully there isn't a RiffTrax rehab, because I think my wife would send me off to detox.

When they made the announcement that Miami Connection was finally going to be riffed, it got me thinking about other movies that I would love to see receive the RiffTrax treatment.

It was difficult, but I eventually narrowed it down to the three movies that I would most want to see riffed.

The Dungeonmaster (a.k.a. Ragewar)

A favorite from my childhood, Dungeonmaster is a movie about Paul, his girlfriend, his computer, and the Devil.

Good Lord those glasses are HUGE!
Paul has a great girlfriend and a super-smart computer named X-CALBR8 that he can use to do all sorts of stuff, like showing him how to fix stuff remotely (through his giant glasses), change traffic lights, and access ATMs.  Paul's girlfriend is kidnapped by Bull from Night Court, and Paul is forced to compete in a series of challenges for his girlfriend's freedom.  Challenges like defeating the undead, and fighting against the band W.A.S.P.

This movie was written by someone calling themselves Allen Actor.  If you can't even put your real name on a movie, you have to know how bad it is!

Oh, and you know in the Mythbusters opening how Adam says, "I reject your reality and submit my own"?  That came from this movie.

No Retreat, No Surrender

Before Cyborg, Kickboxer, and Bloodsport, Jean-Claude Van Damme was in this turd of a film.  In it, he played Ivan, the Russian muscle for a crime syndicate trying to take over whatever area of California this movie starts in.  Our hero's dad is attacked, and decides to  take the family and run away, up to Seattle.

Our hero is Jason, a teenager who is obsessed with karate (but not very good at it).  After getting his butt handed to him and having his father trash all of his training equipment, Jason is trained by his new master: the ghost of Bruce Lee.  This turns Jason into a martial arts master.

And then, of course, Jason ends up facing off in a match against JCVD in an all-out fight that includes Jason's best friend reminding him there is "no retreat, no surrender"!


This is another movie that I loved when I was younger.  It came out when I was eight, and has been ingrained into my life ever since.  I still love this movie, but for completely different reasons.  I can appreciate how terrible it is.  It has a score of 0% on Rotten Tomatoes.

This movie stars a guy named Cru, who dreams of being a BMX superstar.  He wants that stardom so much that he decides to forego taking his SATs for qualifying to race in Helltrack.  The odds are against him, and the man behind the race keeps changing rules to keep Cru out of it.

Obviously, he makes it into the race and blah blah blah.  None of that is important.  This is all you need to know about Rad: the Bicycle Boogie.

Something else worth mentioning here is the director.  Ever hear of Smokey and the Bandit? The Cannonball Run?  How about Megaforce?  Same guy.

There you have it, my top three movies that are perfect for the RiffTrax treatment.

What movies would you like to see riffed?  Let me know, and we might use your ideas in a future post!