Monday, August 27, 2012

Kidney Stones Can Suck It!

My kidneys hate me.  I know this for a fact.  When I was sixteen years old, my right kidney decided to produce a lovely little stone.  This stone was then forced through my ureter and into my bladder.  For a sixteen year old, this is both painful and terrifying.  I woke up to a new kind of pain and I thought I was dying.  My parents were sure my appendix was bursting, so they rushed me out the door for a trip to the hospital.  Unfortunately, we were up at our family's cabin and the hospital was thirty-five minutes away.

On the way there, the pain suddenly stopped.  I felt perfectly fine.  At this point, I was sure it was just a really bad cramp or something and I didn't need to go to the hospital anymore.  My parents thought otherwise.   

After the nurse made me pee in a cup and the stone came out, I was soon to learn that my live was to forever be cursed.  This was not an isolated incident.  I have since passed more stones than I can remember.  One of the more recent stones was so bad, I actually went to the emergency room for it.  This is important, because without insurance, I had to tough most of them out.  That isn't very fun.  Anyway, when I was talking to the doctor in the ER, he informed me that I was one of the lucky people in the world that will be getting kidney stones my whole life, and there isn't a thing I can do to stop it.

And yes, as of right now, I am passing yet another kidney stone.  My wife says she's going to take me out back, shoot me to put me out of her misery, and tell our kids I went to live with a nice family on their farm, where I will have access to unlimited Sriracha and video games.  I am sorely tempted to take her up on that offer.