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Thursday, December 31, 2015

12 Drinks of Christmas: Baby New Year

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology!  Our staff of Mixologists have racked their brains (and livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  


The year is wrapping up today, and with it the 12 Drinks of Christmas.  And what better way to ring in the new year than with a drink themed around Baby New Year himself: Happy.

Drink 12: Baby New Year

  • 2 oz Popov Vodka
  • 1 oz DeKuyper Coffee Brandy
  • 1 oz Baby Formula (From a free sample pack)

Start by preparing the formula in a bottle as per the directions.

Put in some crushed ice, and pour in the vodka and brandy.

Drink from the bottle to nurse away all of your bad memories of the previous year,

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

12 Drinks of Christmas: Bowl Full of Jelly

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixolog!  Our staff of Mixologists have racked their brains (and livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  


The year is almost over, and so is the holiday season!  Our 12 Drinks of Christmas is still stumbling along, but that is also just about finished.

Today's drink is themed around the jolly fat man himself: Santa!

Drink 11: Bowl Full of Jelly

  • 1 pkg Store Brand Cherry Gelatin Mix
  • 1 pkg Store Brand Lime Gelatin Mix
  • 2 cups Crystal Palace Vodka
  • 2 cups Water
  • 1 Tangerine

Peel the tangerine, and cut it up in small chunks.  Set aside.

Put the vodka in the freezer.  The colder it is, the better!

Boil one cup of water, and then put it in a large bowl with the lime gelatin mix.  Stir until the mix is dissolved, then add in a cup of the vodka.  Stir well, and pop the bowl in the refrigerator for a few minutes.  Remove the bowl, and stir in about half of the tangerine pieces.  Place back in the fridge.

Wait about an hour, and then boil the other cup of water, and follow the same directions.  After you have added the tangerine chunks, pour the cherry mixture into the same large bowl as the lime mixture.

This mixture is extremely potent, and it probably won't solidify, but you want it to be a little bit loose.  It is easier to serve and drink.

After enough of this, your cheeks will also be like roses, and your nose like a cherry!

Saturday, December 26, 2015

12 Drinks of Christmas: The Topper

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology!  Our staff of Mixologists have racked their brains (and livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  


Christmas is tomorrow, but we're still plowing through our 12 Drinks of Christmas through the end of the year!  A lot of people celebrate Christmas between now and New Year's Eve, so it still works.

This drink has found inspiration from two different sources: Santa's penguin sidekick Topper, and Undateable (on NBC, Fridays at 8 PM EST)

Drink 10: The Topper

  • 1 bottle Guinness
  • 1 bottle Miller Lite
  • 2 oz Imperial Whiskey

First, fill just under half of your glass with the Miller Lite.

Next, grab a spoon.  Pour the Guinness slowly into the glass over the back of the spoon.  It should layer nicely.  Don't forget to leave enough room in the glass for the whiskey!

After you have your two beers in the glass, pour the whiskey in using the same method as the Guinness.

At this point, I like to just say screw it and stir it all together and slam it down.


Now you may be wondering what this has to do with the show Undateable (New Episodes LIVE on NBC, Fridays at 8 PM EST).  In the season three episode "A Bachelorette Party Walks Into A Bar," the groom to be orders a Black Eye, which is a Black & Tan with a shot of whiskey.  He then sneaks off with Brett (David Fynn) the bartender for a quickie.

And I just realized that our name for the drink now has two meanings.

Anyway, this is not a paid advertisement for the show.  It is simply me promoting the show because my wife and I both think it is one of the best comedies on television, and we think more people should be watching.

Watch Undateable (New Episodes LIVE all season long. Fridays at 8 PM EST on NBC. And there is even a SECOND Live show for the West Coast at 8 PM PST)

Thursday, December 24, 2015

12 Drinks of Christmas: The Miser Brothers

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology!  Our staff of Mixologists have racked their brains (and livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  


Christmas is tomorrow, but we're still plowing through our 12 Drinks of Christmas through the end of the year!  A lot of people celebrate Christmas between now and New Year's Eve, so it still works.

Anyway, we have a two-fer today with the inspiration for our drinks being the Miser Brothers.

Drink 8: Heat Miser

  • 1 oz El Matador Tequila
  • 1 oz DeKuyper Cactus Juice
  • Tabasco Sauce

Mix the tequila and cactus juice and pour into a shot glass.  Add in a dash of Tobasco.

Set off to the side and prepare the next drink.

Drink 9: Snow Miser

  • 1 oz Peppermint Schnapps
  • Whipped Cream
  • Crushed Ice

First pour the peppermint schnapps into the shot glass.

Next you will want to get out your Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine and crush up some ice.

After your arm feels like it is going to fall off from all of the cranking, you should have enough to fill the shot glass the rest of the way.

Add whipped cream to the top, and shoot it back.

Shoot the Heat Miser, and immediately chase it with the Snow Miser.

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

12 Drinks of Christmas: Grape Gruber

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology!  Our staff of Mixologists have racked their brains (and livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  


Christmas is in less than a week, and our twisted advent calendar is going to pick up the pace a bit (thanks to falling behind due to Star Wars and the general business of the season).

This drink is named after the villain in the most explosive Christmas movies of all time: Hans Gruber!

Drink 7: Grape Gruber

  • 6 oz Water
  • 2 oz Jägermeister
  • Great Value Grape Drink Enhancer

Pour the water into your glass, and mix in one squeeze of the grape drink enhancer.

Add in the Jägermeister, and chug.

Smash the glass on the floor.  Drink a few more shots of Jägermeister, and the walk across the broken glass with your bare feet.*

Yippie kayak, other buckets! (Let's see how many people get that one)

*Don't actually do this.  It is not a good idea.

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

12 Drinks of Christmas: Drunk Actually

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology!  Our staff of Mixologists have racked their brains (and livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  


Christmas is in less than a week, and our twisted advent calendar is going to pick up the pace a bit (thanks to falling behind due to Star Wars and the general business of the season).

Our sixth drink is named after a Christmas based British romantic comedy: Love Actually.

Drink 6: Drunk Actually
  • 1 bag Aldi Diplomat Earl Grey Tea
  • 6 oz Robinson's Lemon Barley Water
  • 2 oz Beefeater Gin 
Start by heating the lemon barley water.  Brew the tea in the barley water as per directions.

After brewing the tea, stir in the gin and serve warm.

This goes perfect with some spotted dick!

Monday, December 21, 2015

12 Drinks of Christmas: Stink Stank Stunk

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology!  Our staff of Mixologists have racked their brains (and livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  


Christmas is in less than a week, and our twisted advent calendar is going to pick up the pace a bit (thanks to falling behind due to Star Wars and the general business of the season).

We roll along today with a drink themed after one of the meanest characters from any Christmas special: The Grinch.

Drink 5: Stink Stank Stunk

  • 1 oz Green Apple Pucker
  • 1 oz Fireball Whiskey
  • 1 Mushroom

Pour the Pucker and cinnamon whiskey into a shot glass, and drop the mushroom into the glass.

A night loaded with these, and you'll start hearing Whos.  Just don't tell people about it.

Thursday, December 17, 2015

12 Drinks of Christmas: The Red Nose

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology!  Our staff of Mixologists have racked their brains (and livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  


With Christmas on the horizon, we thought it would be a good time to start unveiling our new 12 Drinks of Christmas.  Between now and December 25, we will be unveiling our holiday-themed beverages (named after holiday characters) like some sort of twisted Advent Calendar.

Today's drink is themed around the most famous reindeer of all: Rudolph

Drink 4: The Red Nose
  • 2 oz Heaven Hill Whiskey
  • 2 oz DeKuyper Amaretto
  • 1 Queen Anne Chocolate Cordial Cherry
  • Ice
Put the ice, whiskey, and amaretto in a cocktail shaker, and shake vigorously and make airplane noises for thirty seconds.

Keeping the ice in the shaker, pour the drink into a glass.

Open the chocolate shell on the cherry, and put the cherry in the drink.

Drinking too many of these may impair your judgement.  You might think you're leaving the party with a very cude doe, only to wake up in the morning with an abominable snow monster.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

12 Drinks of Christmas: Jacked Frosty

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology!  Our staff of Mixologists have racked their brains (and livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  


With Christmas on the horizon, we thought it would be a good time to start unveiling our new 12 Drinks of Christmas.  Between now and December 25, we will be unveiling our holiday-themed beverages (named after holiday characters) like some sort of twisted Advent Calendar.

Today we have a simple ice cold drink named after the ice cold character with a nose fetish: Jack Frost.

Drink 3: Jacked Frosty

  • 1 small Wendy's Frosty
  • 1 oz Arrow Peppermint Schnapps
  • 1 oz Crystal Palace Vodka
  • 1 tsp Powdered Sugar

Pour your peppermint schnapps and Crystal Palace into a glass.  Add in the Frosty slowly, making sure to stir it well

Finish with a sprinkle the powdered sugar on top to get that nice clumpy, dirty, snow from a freshly plowed road look.

Monday, December 14, 2015

12 Drinks of Christmas: Bah Hum-Glug

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology!  Our staff of Mixologists have racked their brains (and livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  


With Christmas on the horizon, we thought it would be a good time to start unveiling our new 12 Drinks of Christmas.  Between now and December 25, we will be unveiling our holiday-themed beverages (named after holiday characters) like some sort of twisted Advent Calendar.

Today's recipe is based on everyone's favorite cheapskate: Ebenezer Scrooge.  That is why every ingredient should be purchased from the local Dollar Store/Poundland (aside from the alcohol, which you probably can't buy there anyway).

Drink 2: Bah Hum-Glug

  • 2 cups Sherry
  • 2 cups E & J VO Brandy
  • 1/2 cup Sugar
  • 1/2 cup Prunes
  • 10 Hot Tamales Cinnamon Candies 
  • 1 cup Water

Pour the water in a small pot.  Add the prunes, sugar, and cinnamon candy.  Put this on the stove and simmer until the prunes start to plump up.  Pour in the wine and brandy, and stir.  Let this mixture continue to simmer.

Once it is heated to your desired temperature, turn off the heat and drink.

This drink should be enough to warm even the coldest of hearts and livers.

Thursday, December 10, 2015

12 Drinks of Christmas: Melted Ice Cream Bunny

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  Our staff of Mixologists have racked their brains (and livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  


With Christmas on the horizon, we thought it would be a good time to start unveiling our new 12 Drinks of Christmas.  Between now and December 25, we will be unveiling our holiday-themed beverages (named after holiday movie characters) like some sort of twisted Advent Calendar.  Our first drink is named in honor of the latest RiffTrax Live show: Santa & The Ice Cream Bunny.

Drink 1: Melted Ice Cream Bunny
  • 1 2 liter bottle Diet Lemon-Lime Soda
  • 1 quart Store Brand Pineapple Sherbet
  • 1 fifth Barton Light Rum
Start by scooping the pineapple sherbet into a punch bowl.  Pour in the entire two liter bottle of lemon-lime soda over the sherbet.

Pour in about one quarter of the bottle of rum and gently stir.  Give it a taste test, and if you don't feel like it is enough rum, add more to taste.  Make sure to keep sampling the punch.  Eventually you will have sampled enough that you don't care what it tastes like.

This will make your party both holly and jolly, guaranteed*!

And if you're not careful, everyone will start singing.


*There is actually no guarantee.

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

November 2015 Loot Crate Unboxing - Combat


Here it is, November's Loot Crate. The theme for this month is "Combat", with items from Fallout, Blizzard, Hunger Games, and TMNT.